Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize