are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
