God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize