I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Randomize
