That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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