i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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