good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
