I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
