hotel room ftw
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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