White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
