you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
