I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
