My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize