Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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