So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
