Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
