dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
