You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
