Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
love makes seman taste better
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
