I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
