Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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