the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize