No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Panties = found
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
