I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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