I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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