This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize