Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
