I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
