they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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