If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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