Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
