i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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