Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
