you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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