your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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