when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize