I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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