Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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