anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
