Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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