She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
