Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
