tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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