Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
