everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
