I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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