so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
