I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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