why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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