The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize