where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
