She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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