i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
