You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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