So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
