did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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