It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize