turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
