there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize