now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Randomize
