I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
