I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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