It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
